Dating Requirements Part 2

I've blogged about my "dating requirements" before (http://smilesandtribulationsoflife.blogspot.com/2012/01/this-is-oprahs-idea.html, if you care to peek), and while all of those things still stand true, I feel that those requirements do not paint the full picture of what I'm looking for in a significant other.  Hence, Part 2.

I CAN'T DATE YOU IF YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN ME
I know a few "pretty boys," and while they're lovely people, they just aren't the type of people I want to date.  No, you don't need to be an outdoorsman who spends his free time braving the elements and sporting a diesel beard, but I like guys with dirt under their nails and stains on their work clothes.  I don't want to have to share a bathroom with someone who owns more hair products than I do.  Lots of girls are into guys who look like Jersey Shore cast members.  I don't even want to date someone who can tell me who any of those people are.   

I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE YOU AROUND
I'm by no means traditional.  If you expect me to wait in the car while you get out and walk all the way around to open my car door for me, you're crazy.  I'm not royalty.  But after years of being the girl who drives her boyfriends around EVERYWHERE, all of the time, there is no way I'm going to let it happen again.  I've got no problem driving to your place, driving us around when it's my idea, but if you just want to save your gas by making me drive, forget it.  And yes, that is an actual excuse I've been given by a guy.  Don't ask what I was thinking.

MY FAMILY HAS TO LIKE YOU
I've always stressed how important it is for a guy to like my family, but it's just as important for them to like you.  They are insane, gossipy, dramatic, and absolutely beautiful people.  I wouldn't trade any one of them for the world.  It's pretty easy to make them like you (just show up with beer), so if they don't, I know there's a problem. 

YOU HAVE TO BE HANDY
I own one tool, and it's a hammer.  If something breaks, I call my Dad, my uncles, my guy friends-anyone who I think could help me with the problem.  It would be awfully convenient not to have to go through these channels and to just have a boyfriend who knows how to fix things.  Of course, in my observations over the years, I've learned that in many cases, men don't actually know how to fix things right away.  They occasionally make a small problem a lot worse before they figure out how to fix it.  However, they are a proud species, and always get the job done somehow.  That's really all that matters. 

GIRLS ARE HUMAN 
I saw an interview with Kim Kardashian once where she was asked how many times a day she poops-she said "Never! Girls don't poop!"  I've heard this many times throughout my life when girls are asked about farting or pooping, and most of the time girls react like Miss Kardashian.  Really?  We're too embarrassed about having a normal bodily function that we can't even openly talk about the fact that we do it?  Some guys think it's cool to break wind whenever they feel the need, but girls have to pretend that they don't?  Hate to break it to ya, but we do.  I know lots of guys that think it's gross when girls fart, and I know lots of guys who don't care.  If you fall into the first category, I'm shaking my head at you.

I HAVE THE RIGHT TO WEAR ALL OF YOUR HOODIES
I think this is a basic right in a relationship and doesn't need further explanation. 

KEEP THE TOILET CLEAN
I could care less if you leave the seat up or down.  Some girls go crazy when a seat is left up.  I just feel that everyone should check the area they're about to sit their bare ass on, and then no harm done.  What WILL gross me out is if you don't lift the seat and instead piss all over the area I'm expected to sit.  Like I said, I do check before I sit down, but that doesn't mean I want to be cleaning your urine from an area that you shouldn't be contaminating in the first place.  Indoor plumbing should be a sign of civilization. 

LIVE A LITTLE
A lot of the adults that I encounter look serious and boring.  I see lots of marriages/relationships with people who look miserable.  The most important relationship requirement I have is that I'm with someone who always wants to have fun.  I don't mean someone who is a party animal who constantly wants to go out-I mean someone who can find the fun in any situation...even if that situation just involves a couch and 'The Big Bang Theory' on DVD.  Some people are always striving to get MORE MORE MORE out of life, instead of realizing that life is only RIGHT NOW.  I can't be with someone who can't appreciate that.  If you aren't satisfied with a few drinks, Jiffy Pop, and cable television, then I feel sorry for you.  I also can't date you, which makes me feel even MORE sorry for you, because I'm kind of awesome. 

See, I'm really just a simple girl who is looking for simple things.  Which is probably what makes it so hard to find someone suitable.  Life's a bitch like that.