I've blogged about my "dating requirements" before (http://smilesandtribulationsoflife.blogspot.com/2012/01/this-is-oprahs-idea.html, if you care to peek), and while all of those things still stand true, I feel that those requirements do not paint the full picture of what I'm looking for in a significant other. Hence, Part 2.
I CAN'T DATE YOU IF YOU'RE PRETTIER THAN ME
I know a few "pretty boys," and while they're lovely people, they just aren't the type of people I want to date. No, you don't need to be an outdoorsman who spends his free time braving the elements and sporting a diesel beard, but I like guys with dirt under their nails and stains on their work clothes. I don't want to have to share a bathroom with someone who owns more hair products than I do. Lots of girls are into guys who look like Jersey Shore cast members. I don't even want to date someone who can tell me who any of those people are.
I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE YOU AROUND
I'm by no means traditional. If you expect me to wait in the car while you get out and walk all the way around to open my car door for me, you're crazy. I'm not royalty. But after years of being the girl who drives her boyfriends around EVERYWHERE, all of the time, there is no way I'm going to let it happen again. I've got no problem driving to your place, driving us around when it's my idea, but if you just want to save your gas by making me drive, forget it. And yes, that is an actual excuse I've been given by a guy. Don't ask what I was thinking.
MY FAMILY HAS TO LIKE YOU
I've always stressed how important it is for a guy to like my family, but it's just as important for them to like you. They are insane, gossipy, dramatic, and absolutely beautiful people. I wouldn't trade any one of them for the world. It's pretty easy to make them like you (just show up with beer), so if they don't, I know there's a problem.
YOU HAVE TO BE HANDY
I own one tool, and it's a hammer. If something breaks, I call my Dad, my uncles, my guy friends-anyone who I think could help me with the problem. It would be awfully convenient not to have to go through these channels and to just have a boyfriend who knows how to fix things. Of course, in my observations over the years, I've learned that in many cases, men don't actually know how to fix things right away. They occasionally make a small problem a lot worse before they figure out how to fix it. However, they are a proud species, and always get the job done somehow. That's really all that matters.
GIRLS ARE HUMAN
I saw an interview with Kim Kardashian once where she was asked how many times a day she poops-she said "Never! Girls don't poop!" I've heard this many times throughout my life when girls are asked about farting or pooping, and most of the time girls react like Miss Kardashian. Really? We're too embarrassed about having a normal bodily function that we can't even openly talk about the fact that we do it? Some guys think it's cool to break wind whenever they feel the need, but girls have to pretend that they don't? Hate to break it to ya, but we do. I know lots of guys that think it's gross when girls fart, and I know lots of guys who don't care. If you fall into the first category, I'm shaking my head at you.
I HAVE THE RIGHT TO WEAR ALL OF YOUR HOODIES
I think this is a basic right in a relationship and doesn't need further explanation.
KEEP THE TOILET CLEAN
I could care less if you leave the seat up or down. Some girls go crazy when a seat is left up. I just feel that everyone should check the area they're about to sit their bare ass on, and then no harm done. What WILL gross me out is if you don't lift the seat and instead piss all over the area I'm expected to sit. Like I said, I do check before I sit down, but that doesn't mean I want to be cleaning your urine from an area that you shouldn't be contaminating in the first place. Indoor plumbing should be a sign of civilization.
LIVE A LITTLE
A lot of the adults that I encounter look serious and boring. I see lots of marriages/relationships with people who look miserable. The most important relationship requirement I have is that I'm with someone who always wants to have fun. I don't mean someone who is a party animal who constantly wants to go out-I mean someone who can find the fun in any situation...even if that situation just involves a couch and 'The Big Bang Theory' on DVD. Some people are always striving to get MORE MORE MORE out of life, instead of realizing that life is only RIGHT NOW. I can't be with someone who can't appreciate that. If you aren't satisfied with a few drinks, Jiffy Pop, and cable television, then I feel sorry for you. I also can't date you, which makes me feel even MORE sorry for you, because I'm kind of awesome.
See, I'm really just a simple girl who is looking for simple things. Which is probably what makes it so hard to find someone suitable. Life's a bitch like that.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Hungry
The world that we live in can be very overwhelming. I turn on the news, which these days takes a certain amount of bravery, and undoubtedly end up in tears at the end of the segment. There is so much craziness and pain and idiocy going on that sometimes I can't even imagine smiling again. But somehow, I do. And it's okay to be happy, regardless of the suffering that is endured by so many. It's not selfish-it would be more selfish to be blessed with food, clothing, shelter, and other basic human rights and be a miserable person. It would be a slap in the face to those who are not fortunate enough to have those things.
It makes me sad that we live in a world that cares more about the fact that Brad finally proposed to Angelina than that every 3.6 seconds a human being dies from hunger. FROM HUNGER. Many of us have so much to eat that we are obese, using food as comfort from the stress of our busy lives, and billions of people trying to survive on pennies a day. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have been born into a culture where anything is possible. Even those of us who can barely make ends meet have the option of government support. How terrifying must it be to wake up in the morning and not know how to feed yourself or your family? To feel real hunger pangs, not just cravings for a Number Two with fries.
I read an interesting statistic that stated "to satisfy the world's sanitation and food requirements would cost the U.S. $13 billion-what the people of the United States and the European Union spend on perfume each year." On fucking PERFUME. Each YEAR. How can we accept this? No, I am not saying that it's the U.S.'s responsibility to feed the starving people of the world. I'm saying that any decent human being in the world should want to do something about that statistic. Little things matter if a lot of people do them. If you have enough money to be shopping in a grocery store, you have enough money to buy an extra can or two of vegetables and donate it to a food shelter. Donating a few dollars every now and then isn't going to make or break you. Eat more meatless meals. Conserve.
I could continue spewing facts, but instead I leave you with this- Remember how lucky you are.
It makes me sad that we live in a world that cares more about the fact that Brad finally proposed to Angelina than that every 3.6 seconds a human being dies from hunger. FROM HUNGER. Many of us have so much to eat that we are obese, using food as comfort from the stress of our busy lives, and billions of people trying to survive on pennies a day. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have been born into a culture where anything is possible. Even those of us who can barely make ends meet have the option of government support. How terrifying must it be to wake up in the morning and not know how to feed yourself or your family? To feel real hunger pangs, not just cravings for a Number Two with fries.
I read an interesting statistic that stated "to satisfy the world's sanitation and food requirements would cost the U.S. $13 billion-what the people of the United States and the European Union spend on perfume each year." On fucking PERFUME. Each YEAR. How can we accept this? No, I am not saying that it's the U.S.'s responsibility to feed the starving people of the world. I'm saying that any decent human being in the world should want to do something about that statistic. Little things matter if a lot of people do them. If you have enough money to be shopping in a grocery store, you have enough money to buy an extra can or two of vegetables and donate it to a food shelter. Donating a few dollars every now and then isn't going to make or break you. Eat more meatless meals. Conserve.
I could continue spewing facts, but instead I leave you with this- Remember how lucky you are.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Eve6: A Love Story
Everybody loves music. I know a few people who say they don't watch television, and a few people who don't care for movies, but EVERYONE listens to music. I was destined to enjoy a wide variety of music genres-if you were to watch my old home movies (which you won't), you would see my sister, my cousin, and myself all shaking our butts off to Billy Ray Cyrus cassettes (yes, cassettes). Fast forward about four years, and you'd find me staying up well past my bedtime, television volume on 1, crossing my fingers and toes that 'N Sync would be requested on The Box before my father saw the flashes of light and threw me back in my room. If you know anything about The Box circa 1998, then you know that I didn't have to wait very long to see that 'N Sync video...but I digress. My first ever CD's were Mariah Carey's "Daydream," Marie Osmond's "Steppin' Stone," and "Living in the 80's," a compilation album. Admittedly, Ms. Carey was the only one that got significant spins on my Compact Disc player, but don't think I don't know every word to the title track off Marie's album or to "99 Red Balloons."
I used to buy 2 or 3 new CD's every week and built up quite an impressive collection. It would be more impressive if the discs didn't look like I'd let my hamster chew on them, but in reality, as long as they play a few good songs with only minor skips, I'd say they're in good shape. The point is, I've loved a wide variety of musical acts throughout my life (NKOTB/BSB/'N Sync/5ive fangirl craze included). But my long love affair with music did not prepare me much for the day that I fell for Eve6.
Eve6 had been around and popular long before I was "introduced" to them. Of course, I'd seen "Inside Out" on MTV and The Box a million times, but I'd been impatiently waiting for Hanson, so I didn't pay them much attention. I was young and in a full fledged fangirl stage. Of course, when "Here's to the Night" hit the radiowaves I'd sing along. But, in typical Cherrie fashion, I didn't really get into Eve6 until shortly before they were about to break up (I had the same problems when bell bottoms became popular again. I wore straight leg jeans through the whole trend, and then started wearing flares as soon as everyone went back to straight legs. Like I said, typical). I remember the day perfectly. I was sitting in the passenger side of my mother's car, enjoying the fact that I was the oldest of my siblings and therefore had full control over the radio (rules are rules!), and stumbled across the song "Think Twice." We were home moments later, and I immediately ran to my computer and researched all things Eve6. I bought all of their albums straight away. I listened non-stop. I made a fan out of my sister because it was the only music I played. I made my cousin fall in love with them all over again (she'd been into their first record). Because of my compulsive need to know everything about the things I'm interested in, I stumbled across the Eve6 Media HQ website (www.eve6mediahq.com), a place for other superfans. People who understood why I could not stop listening to/talking about this band. My kind of people. Since this was before the popularity of MySpace, Facebook, etc., it was basically where I spent all of my time while I was on the internet. I rushsed home from school every day and jumped onto the site to see what conversations I'd missed while I'd been in class, pretending to understand Algebra 2. That was my routine at 16 years old.
A few months after I entered into the Eve6 world, my other CD's were collecting dust, but I was getting restless. I wanted more. It wasn't enough. When I found out that they were touring, I needed no other proof that there was, in fact, a God. I happily purchased tickets for myself, my cousin (semi-fan turned superfan), and my sister (superfan by association). At the end of December, I would finally be able to see my favorite band live. The week before the show, I was so excited that I constantly felt on the verge of vomiting. There was one teensy little problem. Mother Nature decided to throw a blizzard right over New England on the very day that the three of us were supposed to trek to Hartford to see the show. 3 giggly teenagers, only one with a licence (and zero experience driving in the snow), and a set of bald tires meant that we didn't even make it out of town before we had to return to the house. I literally cried. I was 17 years old, curled up in front of a fire, sulking because I'd been SO close to standing mere FEET away from the geniuses that were Max, Jon, and Tony. And the venue had decided not to cancel, so the show wouldn't be postponed. My money, my excitement, my life (okay, I was an angsty teenager!), was down the drain. Eventually, someone suggested that we should see if they were doing any more shows close by, which is something that I should have thought of right away. I was too busy sulking, I guess. But, as luck would have it, they were playing in Poughkeepsie the following weekend. Even closer to us than Hartford. Choir bells rang, children smiled again, and so did I. All was right in the world.
We showed up 6 hours early for the show. I take full responsibility for demanding that we leave so early, but I had already missed out on one show, and I wasn't going to let something like getting lost get in the way of this one. We didn't get lost, but we also didn't have much money for food, gas to heat up the car for 6 hours, or the balls to walk around on the streets of Poughkeepsie. And I sure as hell wasn't going to abandon post-I was going to be FRONT AND CENTER for the show that I'd been waiting for. And for the most part, I was. There was a bit of an issue with moshing and I got pushed back a bit, but I was satisfied with being close enough for Cauterize's drummer to spit beer on me. The show was glorious. I knew every song (I mean, they were practically written FOR me), and when I heard that Max, Jon, and Tony would be outside after the show to take pictures and sign stuff, I screamed. Or, I would have, if I had any of my voice left. I couldn't speak when I met the guys. If you look at any of the pictures of that night, Judy and Sam have elated faces-bright eyes and big smiles. My mouth is clamped shut, my eyes are unfocused, and I'm hunched over from carrying all of the merchandise I bought. Max Collins, the genius that wrote all of those songs, had his arm around my neck. I'm surprised the strength of my pulse didn't push it off. I have never done drugs, but I'm not sure any high could be better than that moment. Well, maybe it could. I hear Ecstacy is a trip.
Like all addicts, I wanted to chase the high. I wanted to see more shows. Unfortunately, I was sidelined by the fact that the band had decided to part ways. It was worse than hearing that your parents are divorcing. In fact, I used to PRAY that my parents would get divorced. But Eve6?! I never saw it coming. Things you love are supposed to stay in your life forever! So I did what any 17 year old girl with a mild case of crazy would do. I bought tickets to any show within a 7 hour radius that wasn't on a school night. If they weren't going to play shows anymore, then I was going to see as many of them as possible before they broke my heart. So we saw them again. And again. And again. It took a great deal of babysitting money, lying to my parents, and charming people to drive us to Potsdam to accomplish all of this. It was well worth it. We got to go backstage, we took trillions more pictures, and I was even creepy enough to bake a ton of cookies, cupcakes, brownies, etc. for the guys and their crew (shoot me now, the most embarrassing thing in the world). On the last show that we could attend, April 30th in West Haven, CT, we left the venue feeling like we'd dropped off a loved one at the airport with no promise of seeing them ever again. It was a sad night, cheered only by chocolate milkshakes from Athena's Diner.
Fast forward a few years, and ALAS! 2/3 of Eve6 back together! 2/3 was good enough for us. We continued to go to any show we possibly could, which was a much harder task now that Judy was a mother of 2 and I was working 80-90 hour weeks. Still, we managed. And Matt was a great temporary fill-in for Jon. I can't even say replacement, because replacing Jon just isn't possible. Still, he was energetic on stage and was friendly after shows. The last time Judy and I saw Matt on stage was at the Mercury Lounge, November 1 2010-it was my birthday, and Eve6 played a double show that night. Nothing will ever top that birthday (unless, of course, they play another show on November 1). When I received the news that Matt would no longer be playing with the band, I was bummed, but only slightly...because then we got the news that JON WAS RETURNING! The planets aligned, the heavens opened, and Eve6 was REUNITED! And it felt...so good (I had to). Then there was the announcement of a new album in the works. The first since 2003. Nine long years of singing the same (albeit amazing) songs over and over again.
When "Lost and Found" was released, I was stoked. When "Victoria" was released yesterday, I practically jumped out of bed so I could run and download it off itunes. When the album is released next month, I'm going to buy as many copies as my budget will allow and give them to my friends. I need to share the music that makes me so happy. That I can identify with when I'm sad. That helps me find my way when I'm lost. That makes my mouth drop when I hear "your heinous heighness broke her hymen, hey man try to quit your cryin'" (what other lyricist could come up with something THAT good?). I've gone through many phases in my love affair with music, but I have never put Eve6 on the backburner. I own more Eve6 shirts than any other. I have so much signed stuff that I don't even know what to do with it anymore. My friends make fun of me for being so obsessed (they're probably just jealous of my sweet Eve6 wristbands). I've created some really great friendships with other HQers. If I'm upset about something, Truck is almost always the first person to send a message my way, trying to cheer me up. Crystal and Chris aren't usually too far behind. I am forever grateful to the band for bringing such cool people into my life.
This is such an exciting time to be an Eve6 fan. I cannot wait to have a new record to spin, new shows to attend, and new friends to make.
P.S. I'm aware that this blog did nothing to negate the assumption that I'm creepy. I'm okay with that.
XO
C
I used to buy 2 or 3 new CD's every week and built up quite an impressive collection. It would be more impressive if the discs didn't look like I'd let my hamster chew on them, but in reality, as long as they play a few good songs with only minor skips, I'd say they're in good shape. The point is, I've loved a wide variety of musical acts throughout my life (NKOTB/BSB/'N Sync/5ive fangirl craze included). But my long love affair with music did not prepare me much for the day that I fell for Eve6.
Eve6 had been around and popular long before I was "introduced" to them. Of course, I'd seen "Inside Out" on MTV and The Box a million times, but I'd been impatiently waiting for Hanson, so I didn't pay them much attention. I was young and in a full fledged fangirl stage. Of course, when "Here's to the Night" hit the radiowaves I'd sing along. But, in typical Cherrie fashion, I didn't really get into Eve6 until shortly before they were about to break up (I had the same problems when bell bottoms became popular again. I wore straight leg jeans through the whole trend, and then started wearing flares as soon as everyone went back to straight legs. Like I said, typical). I remember the day perfectly. I was sitting in the passenger side of my mother's car, enjoying the fact that I was the oldest of my siblings and therefore had full control over the radio (rules are rules!), and stumbled across the song "Think Twice." We were home moments later, and I immediately ran to my computer and researched all things Eve6. I bought all of their albums straight away. I listened non-stop. I made a fan out of my sister because it was the only music I played. I made my cousin fall in love with them all over again (she'd been into their first record). Because of my compulsive need to know everything about the things I'm interested in, I stumbled across the Eve6 Media HQ website (www.eve6mediahq.com), a place for other superfans. People who understood why I could not stop listening to/talking about this band. My kind of people. Since this was before the popularity of MySpace, Facebook, etc., it was basically where I spent all of my time while I was on the internet. I rushsed home from school every day and jumped onto the site to see what conversations I'd missed while I'd been in class, pretending to understand Algebra 2. That was my routine at 16 years old.
A few months after I entered into the Eve6 world, my other CD's were collecting dust, but I was getting restless. I wanted more. It wasn't enough. When I found out that they were touring, I needed no other proof that there was, in fact, a God. I happily purchased tickets for myself, my cousin (semi-fan turned superfan), and my sister (superfan by association). At the end of December, I would finally be able to see my favorite band live. The week before the show, I was so excited that I constantly felt on the verge of vomiting. There was one teensy little problem. Mother Nature decided to throw a blizzard right over New England on the very day that the three of us were supposed to trek to Hartford to see the show. 3 giggly teenagers, only one with a licence (and zero experience driving in the snow), and a set of bald tires meant that we didn't even make it out of town before we had to return to the house. I literally cried. I was 17 years old, curled up in front of a fire, sulking because I'd been SO close to standing mere FEET away from the geniuses that were Max, Jon, and Tony. And the venue had decided not to cancel, so the show wouldn't be postponed. My money, my excitement, my life (okay, I was an angsty teenager!), was down the drain. Eventually, someone suggested that we should see if they were doing any more shows close by, which is something that I should have thought of right away. I was too busy sulking, I guess. But, as luck would have it, they were playing in Poughkeepsie the following weekend. Even closer to us than Hartford. Choir bells rang, children smiled again, and so did I. All was right in the world.
We showed up 6 hours early for the show. I take full responsibility for demanding that we leave so early, but I had already missed out on one show, and I wasn't going to let something like getting lost get in the way of this one. We didn't get lost, but we also didn't have much money for food, gas to heat up the car for 6 hours, or the balls to walk around on the streets of Poughkeepsie. And I sure as hell wasn't going to abandon post-I was going to be FRONT AND CENTER for the show that I'd been waiting for. And for the most part, I was. There was a bit of an issue with moshing and I got pushed back a bit, but I was satisfied with being close enough for Cauterize's drummer to spit beer on me. The show was glorious. I knew every song (I mean, they were practically written FOR me), and when I heard that Max, Jon, and Tony would be outside after the show to take pictures and sign stuff, I screamed. Or, I would have, if I had any of my voice left. I couldn't speak when I met the guys. If you look at any of the pictures of that night, Judy and Sam have elated faces-bright eyes and big smiles. My mouth is clamped shut, my eyes are unfocused, and I'm hunched over from carrying all of the merchandise I bought. Max Collins, the genius that wrote all of those songs, had his arm around my neck. I'm surprised the strength of my pulse didn't push it off. I have never done drugs, but I'm not sure any high could be better than that moment. Well, maybe it could. I hear Ecstacy is a trip.
Like all addicts, I wanted to chase the high. I wanted to see more shows. Unfortunately, I was sidelined by the fact that the band had decided to part ways. It was worse than hearing that your parents are divorcing. In fact, I used to PRAY that my parents would get divorced. But Eve6?! I never saw it coming. Things you love are supposed to stay in your life forever! So I did what any 17 year old girl with a mild case of crazy would do. I bought tickets to any show within a 7 hour radius that wasn't on a school night. If they weren't going to play shows anymore, then I was going to see as many of them as possible before they broke my heart. So we saw them again. And again. And again. It took a great deal of babysitting money, lying to my parents, and charming people to drive us to Potsdam to accomplish all of this. It was well worth it. We got to go backstage, we took trillions more pictures, and I was even creepy enough to bake a ton of cookies, cupcakes, brownies, etc. for the guys and their crew (shoot me now, the most embarrassing thing in the world). On the last show that we could attend, April 30th in West Haven, CT, we left the venue feeling like we'd dropped off a loved one at the airport with no promise of seeing them ever again. It was a sad night, cheered only by chocolate milkshakes from Athena's Diner.
Fast forward a few years, and ALAS! 2/3 of Eve6 back together! 2/3 was good enough for us. We continued to go to any show we possibly could, which was a much harder task now that Judy was a mother of 2 and I was working 80-90 hour weeks. Still, we managed. And Matt was a great temporary fill-in for Jon. I can't even say replacement, because replacing Jon just isn't possible. Still, he was energetic on stage and was friendly after shows. The last time Judy and I saw Matt on stage was at the Mercury Lounge, November 1 2010-it was my birthday, and Eve6 played a double show that night. Nothing will ever top that birthday (unless, of course, they play another show on November 1). When I received the news that Matt would no longer be playing with the band, I was bummed, but only slightly...because then we got the news that JON WAS RETURNING! The planets aligned, the heavens opened, and Eve6 was REUNITED! And it felt...so good (I had to). Then there was the announcement of a new album in the works. The first since 2003. Nine long years of singing the same (albeit amazing) songs over and over again.
When "Lost and Found" was released, I was stoked. When "Victoria" was released yesterday, I practically jumped out of bed so I could run and download it off itunes. When the album is released next month, I'm going to buy as many copies as my budget will allow and give them to my friends. I need to share the music that makes me so happy. That I can identify with when I'm sad. That helps me find my way when I'm lost. That makes my mouth drop when I hear "your heinous heighness broke her hymen, hey man try to quit your cryin'" (what other lyricist could come up with something THAT good?). I've gone through many phases in my love affair with music, but I have never put Eve6 on the backburner. I own more Eve6 shirts than any other. I have so much signed stuff that I don't even know what to do with it anymore. My friends make fun of me for being so obsessed (they're probably just jealous of my sweet Eve6 wristbands). I've created some really great friendships with other HQers. If I'm upset about something, Truck is almost always the first person to send a message my way, trying to cheer me up. Crystal and Chris aren't usually too far behind. I am forever grateful to the band for bringing such cool people into my life.
This is such an exciting time to be an Eve6 fan. I cannot wait to have a new record to spin, new shows to attend, and new friends to make.
P.S. I'm aware that this blog did nothing to negate the assumption that I'm creepy. I'm okay with that.
XO
C
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
This Is Oprah's Idea
I have never watched Oprah a day in my life (though not the same thing can be said for my father, who I have caught on numerous occasions indulging in the late afternoon talk show), but I think it's safe to assume that she's a fairly wise woman. You can't possibly get that rich by being an idiot (unless your last name is Hilton or you make a sex tape and then pitch a reality show-hmm, I suppose the former can also be grouped with the latter). So when my darling friend Sara suggested that I take Oprah's advice and create a list of things I require from a significant other, I obliged. Here is my list:
*Must love the movie "Clerks 2."
I don't care how you feel about "Clerks" (though if you don't like the original at all, I can't imagine you liking the sequel), but you must love "Clerks 2." Not like it, but love it. And you must not be opposed to watching it on a fairly regular basis.
*Must be willing to try my culinary creations.
I eat a vegan diet. I don't care if you eat meat or not, and I won't try to convert you, but if you aren't at least willing to try my concoctions, then CHECK PLEASE.
*Must be immature.
Most women are looking for grown up men who can take care of them. I am not one of them. If you can't turn almost anything into a sexual joke (or at least give me props when I beat you to the punch), then it won't work out.
*Must speak.
That sounds like a ridiculous requirement, but when you've dated someone who was not, shall we say, vocal, then you know how annoying it is to pick up both sides of a conversation. And trust me, I like to hear my own voice. But if you think I'm going to carve time out of my schedule to watch TV in silence with you, you're crazy. I could do that at my own house, without wasting the quarter tank in gas it takes to get to your house.
*Must be okay with me being a drunken mess.
If you know me, that's self explanitory. If you don't, then I'm sorry. Because I'm awesome. Now, I'm not someone who drinks every other day (anymore), but every once in while, I tend to forget that my liver doesn't need a whole bottle of vodka. On those days, I expect you to either LET me sleep in the woods if I insist, or at least laugh when I'm yelling at you for waking me up. Also, remind me to make sure BOTH shoes are on my feet on the way out of the bar.
*Must be flexible.
Not in the bedroom (well...). I'm talking about with life in general. If something unexpected happens, you've got to be able to handle it. You've got to adapt to life, it doesn't adapt to you.
*Must be tall.
Okay, that one isn't really a requirement. Being okay with letting me wear my 6 inch heels even if they make you look 6 inches shorter than me IS a requirement. This is also related to my "drunken mess" requirement, because if I AM wearing 6 inch heels and I'm drinking, take either the heels or the drink away from me.
*Must not be annoying.
I'll admit to suffering from minor bouts of annoying girlfriend syndrome in the past, but at this point in my life, I just don't care. I will not text you to say good morning (and I expect the same decency), I don't care if you go out with your friends (and I expect the same decency), and I won't make you buy me dinner/movie tickets/anything (and I expect the same decency). I don't want you to always be touching me, I'm fairly certain I can stand up straight without support (unless, of course, we're again in that 'drunken mess' situation). I don't need to know what you're doing every second of the day (nor do I care). Don't complain about my guy friends (I had them before I even knew you, and if I haven't had sex with them yet, there's a reason for it).
*Must love my family.
I am very close to all of my family, including aunts, uncles, and cousins. You can find me and my uncle at opposite ends of the beer pong table in my cousin's garage, and I wouldn't have it any other way. If you don't want to come to family parties and make these people some of your favorite in the world, then don't bother. We'll finish the keg without you.
*Must not be an addict.
I just can't be involved with any sort of 12 step program.
*Must love kids.
I didn't say want them, I said love them. There are a lot of kids in my life, and if you can't grab a nerf gun or a tiara and make them laugh, then you are probably not human and I'm not into inter-species erotica, despite my love for "Clerks 2."
*Must be funny.
For a world that is filled with people that always say a sense of humor is important, there sure are a lot of frowns out there. Be the kind of person that can turn them upside down.
If you meet these requirements, call me (but not TOO often).
*Must love the movie "Clerks 2."
I don't care how you feel about "Clerks" (though if you don't like the original at all, I can't imagine you liking the sequel), but you must love "Clerks 2." Not like it, but love it. And you must not be opposed to watching it on a fairly regular basis.
*Must be willing to try my culinary creations.
I eat a vegan diet. I don't care if you eat meat or not, and I won't try to convert you, but if you aren't at least willing to try my concoctions, then CHECK PLEASE.
*Must be immature.
Most women are looking for grown up men who can take care of them. I am not one of them. If you can't turn almost anything into a sexual joke (or at least give me props when I beat you to the punch), then it won't work out.
*Must speak.
That sounds like a ridiculous requirement, but when you've dated someone who was not, shall we say, vocal, then you know how annoying it is to pick up both sides of a conversation. And trust me, I like to hear my own voice. But if you think I'm going to carve time out of my schedule to watch TV in silence with you, you're crazy. I could do that at my own house, without wasting the quarter tank in gas it takes to get to your house.
*Must be okay with me being a drunken mess.
If you know me, that's self explanitory. If you don't, then I'm sorry. Because I'm awesome. Now, I'm not someone who drinks every other day (anymore), but every once in while, I tend to forget that my liver doesn't need a whole bottle of vodka. On those days, I expect you to either LET me sleep in the woods if I insist, or at least laugh when I'm yelling at you for waking me up. Also, remind me to make sure BOTH shoes are on my feet on the way out of the bar.
*Must be flexible.
Not in the bedroom (well...). I'm talking about with life in general. If something unexpected happens, you've got to be able to handle it. You've got to adapt to life, it doesn't adapt to you.
*Must be tall.
Okay, that one isn't really a requirement. Being okay with letting me wear my 6 inch heels even if they make you look 6 inches shorter than me IS a requirement. This is also related to my "drunken mess" requirement, because if I AM wearing 6 inch heels and I'm drinking, take either the heels or the drink away from me.
*Must not be annoying.
I'll admit to suffering from minor bouts of annoying girlfriend syndrome in the past, but at this point in my life, I just don't care. I will not text you to say good morning (and I expect the same decency), I don't care if you go out with your friends (and I expect the same decency), and I won't make you buy me dinner/movie tickets/anything (and I expect the same decency). I don't want you to always be touching me, I'm fairly certain I can stand up straight without support (unless, of course, we're again in that 'drunken mess' situation). I don't need to know what you're doing every second of the day (nor do I care). Don't complain about my guy friends (I had them before I even knew you, and if I haven't had sex with them yet, there's a reason for it).
*Must love my family.
I am very close to all of my family, including aunts, uncles, and cousins. You can find me and my uncle at opposite ends of the beer pong table in my cousin's garage, and I wouldn't have it any other way. If you don't want to come to family parties and make these people some of your favorite in the world, then don't bother. We'll finish the keg without you.
*Must not be an addict.
I just can't be involved with any sort of 12 step program.
*Must love kids.
I didn't say want them, I said love them. There are a lot of kids in my life, and if you can't grab a nerf gun or a tiara and make them laugh, then you are probably not human and I'm not into inter-species erotica, despite my love for "Clerks 2."
*Must be funny.
For a world that is filled with people that always say a sense of humor is important, there sure are a lot of frowns out there. Be the kind of person that can turn them upside down.
If you meet these requirements, call me (but not TOO often).
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