Kickstart

I just quit the easiest job anyone will ever have. I just drank a glass of 7up and grabbed 2 cookies out of the cabinet, strolled into the office, and read the last few tweets on my newsfeed, all while getting paid for it. I could take a nap if I wanted to (and I probably will, when I get tired enough). So why would I give up this easy $560 per month? Let's rewind.

A few weeks ago, I was browsing through kickstarter.com in order to decide which project I'd like to fund next (yes, I frequently spend my money on things like that), and I came across a title that stuck out- "I'm Miserable But Change Scares Me." It was a play by Max Cramer, who, coincidentally, is someone I graduated high school with (and yes, I donated the remainder of the money that he needed to meet his goal). I could not stop thinking about those words. I'm miserable but change scares me. It was true. I WAS miserable and change DID scare me. So I thought-what am I going to do about it? I had two choices: I could continue being miserable and afraid of change, or I could make a change and see what happened. I chose option B. The teeny, tiny problem was, I wasn't sure exactly what I should change. I've been making many small changes to my life over the last few months, but I still wasn't happy. I'd been singing "come on, get happy" to myself over and over again so many times that it pushed me to the point of tear-I WANTED to, but i couldn't figure out how! I had been toying with the idea of quitting this job for quite some time. Regardless of how easy it is, or if I get to squeeze in an hour or two of shut eye, it's still a pain in the ass to work NON STOP from Wednesday at 8:00 am to Friday at 6:00 pm. Literally, non stop. So when I moved into a cheaper apartment, I immediately wanted to figure out a way to cut back my hours. I can't change my schedule at my full time job. I don't mind working Saturdays. But those two pesky overnights are literally the bane of my existence!

Unfortunately, making the decision that I wanted to quit wasn't good enough. Change still scared me. Deciding that I wanted to quit was much easier than actually quitting. Quitting meant that I would be missing out on quite a bit of money per month. Which meant that I couldn't go out to eat whenever I wanted, or blow $100 on clothes just because I was bored. It meant that I'd have to plan my shopping trips in advance, and follow-GULP-a budget. The dreaded B word! For months, I've been walking into this office, saying "I really need to quit this job" and then...not quitting. We all crave stability, of course, but I find it especially appetizing. I didn't have much of it growing up. I was a food stamp kid for a while. So my subconscious (and my tummy) really likes when I can go out and buy myself a nice meal. My wallet (and my jeans) don't get along with my subconscious. It's been an entertaining battle, one that I convinced myself I had no control over. But I did. I do.

Today, I decided to stop being miserable just because change scares me. I decided that I would give myself until 11:00 pm (when I'm due at work) to make the final decision. Then I received an email from my boss saying that there is a mandatory training program that takes place on July 18. July 18 also happens to be the first day of my weeklong vacation from my fulltime job. My body went into defense mode. WHAT? MANDATORY TRAINING? ON MY FIRST DAY OF MY VERY FIRST VACATION EVER? Then, a little voice in my head said, "Maybe it's a sign." It felt like a lightbulb went off. Of course it was a sign. If my two week's notice was put in today, that training would fall just outside of my last required day at work. I didn't need any other opinions. My mind was made up.

And so it is done. I feel like I was a baby when I started this job. I was dating my first boyfriend, a person that I don't even know anymore. Not him, but me. It's so strange how when you come to an ending, all you can think about is the beginning. It's going to be strange for me, a person who literally works all the time because I don't know what else to do, to not have such a jam packed schedule. Sure, I'll still be working a 65 hour week, but that's peanuts compared to the 80+ hours I've been working for YEARS. And I can't be positive that this is THE change I've been looking for, either. The point is, I'm miserable, and instead of sitting around hoping that things get better, I'm going to keep making changes until I figure out which change is the right one.

Farewell- Per Tutti, Target shopping sprees, $20 lipgloss, and popcorn at the movies.
Here's to penny pinching, Expect Discounts, home cooked meals, and coupon clipping.